Friday, February 18, 2005
Have A Wetass Weekend...
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Ouch. Ooof. Argh. Bonk. Doink. Ouch, Ouch, Ouch...
Since we're on the subject of boarding today (see below), here's a painful video example of how NOT to get down a mountain...
"This is going to be great. I hope they have the video camera rolling..."
"This is going to be great. I hope they have the video camera rolling..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 10:43 AM 
Coming To A Theater Near You: "Mystery Of The Nile"...
Longtime TWC readers will remember Pasquale Scaturro, the adventurer who last year led the first Blue Nile expedition to get all the way from the source to the sea (click here to watch a Today show clip about the expedition). It took Scaturro and his buddy Gordon Brown 114 days to float the 3,260 miles, and along the way they survived big water, armed militias, the odd crocodile, and blinding sandstorms. Now Scaturro has completed an IMAX film of the adventure, called "Mystery Of The Nile." If you want a sample of some of the great action in the film, watch the trailer here. The movie debuts tomorrow, and you can click here to see if it will be playing at an IMAX theater near you...
Crazyass Scaturro: "You'd better watch my movie, because I know you don't want me coming to your house..."
Crazyass Scaturro: "You'd better watch my movie, because I know you don't want me coming to your house..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 10:21 AM
Wetass Sport #653: Sandboarding...
Okay, it's very hard to get your ass wet with this sport, but I'm sure you can work up an impressive rash. Sandboarding is...wait a minute, it's totally obvious, why should I have to explain it? Suffice it to say, it makes boarding an all-year sport, and according to Outside it's been around since the dune-happy ancient Egyptians. You can read all about sandboarding's history here, and then move on to Sandboard Magazine's website for everything else you need, including some small but watchable vids. We've got snowboarding. We've got sandboarding. Grassboarding can't be too far off...
[Update: I was kidding about "grassboarding," but lo and behold I just received the following e-mail: "You think grassboarding isn't too far off eh? I've done it. When I was living in Mississippi, I was dying to learn how to snowboard. Not much snow in Mississippi, so I made grassboards out of plywood, shaped just like a snowboard. There's also a shortage of hills in Mississippi, so we eventually moved on to towing them behind cars in fields. It was a blast. Only bad thing is you can't steer... we had no bindings of any sort...
WILL"
Towing behind cars? Hello, Darwin Awards...]
"We're definitely going to have to design some special underwear for this sport..."
"Hang in there, Dude. The good news is I don't have to dig you out. The bad news is there's a scorpion on your ass..."
"Damn, I knew sandboarding in Irag would be a mistake. I think "Dunes" just hit a mine..."
[Update: I was kidding about "grassboarding," but lo and behold I just received the following e-mail: "You think grassboarding isn't too far off eh? I've done it. When I was living in Mississippi, I was dying to learn how to snowboard. Not much snow in Mississippi, so I made grassboards out of plywood, shaped just like a snowboard. There's also a shortage of hills in Mississippi, so we eventually moved on to towing them behind cars in fields. It was a blast. Only bad thing is you can't steer... we had no bindings of any sort...
WILL"
Towing behind cars? Hello, Darwin Awards...]
"We're definitely going to have to design some special underwear for this sport..."
"Hang in there, Dude. The good news is I don't have to dig you out. The bad news is there's a scorpion on your ass..."
"Damn, I knew sandboarding in Irag would be a mistake. I think "Dunes" just hit a mine..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 9:26 AM
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Wetass Video Of The Week (TWC Rating: 10+)...
We've got more extreme skiing, forwarded to us by the ever-resourceful, ever-prolific "Uncle Bob" Steele. Click here to watch (Quicktime only, and it's a large download so be patient, I promise you won't regret it). Some of the scenes in this clip are so jaw-dropping and f-word-inducing that it has inspired the creation of a propietary TWC video rating system. The system will be based on how many times I think or mutter "no f*ckin' way" as I watch the video, and this one is at least a 10...
"So far, so good. Next time I'm going to do this off a 100-foot cliff..."
(Photo: Scott Markewitz)
"So far, so good. Next time I'm going to do this off a 100-foot cliff..."
(Photo: Scott Markewitz)
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 11:38 AM
Bang, Click, To The Moon...
Ho-hum. It's a boring old Wednesday. So why don't we take a little trip to...Luna, courtesy of the interactive geniuses at Panoramas.dk. Just click here to instantly transport yourself to the lunar surface, click on the Apollo 17 lunar image and you've got a full-screen Quicktime (yes, you have to have Quicktime!) panorama, plus a few audio clips from the astronauts singing (singing?) and talking about what the Apollo missions and history. Just drag your mouse to rotate the view a full 360 degrees. Very, very cool. And you can also scroll down to click open views from Apollo 11 (which includes spine-tingling audio of Neil Armstrong describing in detail what the moon is like and uttering his famous "One small step..."), and Apollo 12. How did they do it? Here's how:
"On July 20 ( July 21 GMT ) 1969 the first man stepped on the moon. During the next 3 years 6 missions to the moon was made and a total of 12 astronauts walked on the moon. One of the missions Apollo 13 failed and they had to return.
During these missions thousands of images were taken, most of them with the Hasselblad EDC. A special version of the Hasselblad 500 EL. Many of these images are famous, like the one from Apollo 11 showing Buzz Aldrin with Neil Armstrong reflected in the glass of his helmet. (It is available in super resolution from the panorama).
Less known is that during all the missions they made image sequences which with todays computer technics can be stitched together into 360o interactive panoramas giving you the possibillity to view the moon almost as you were there..."
And if you ever get bored of the Moon, hey just head on over to Mars...
Buzz "Big Dog" Aldrin: "Hey, Neil! Enough with the photos and that blinding flash. Let's go play golf..."
"On July 20 ( July 21 GMT ) 1969 the first man stepped on the moon. During the next 3 years 6 missions to the moon was made and a total of 12 astronauts walked on the moon. One of the missions Apollo 13 failed and they had to return.
During these missions thousands of images were taken, most of them with the Hasselblad EDC. A special version of the Hasselblad 500 EL. Many of these images are famous, like the one from Apollo 11 showing Buzz Aldrin with Neil Armstrong reflected in the glass of his helmet. (It is available in super resolution from the panorama).
Less known is that during all the missions they made image sequences which with todays computer technics can be stitched together into 360o interactive panoramas giving you the possibillity to view the moon almost as you were there..."
And if you ever get bored of the Moon, hey just head on over to Mars...
Buzz "Big Dog" Aldrin: "Hey, Neil! Enough with the photos and that blinding flash. Let's go play golf..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 11:02 AM
Jacques Cousteau To The Front Desk, Please...
I guess it was only a matter of time. The world's first 5-star undersea resort-called, of course, the Poseidon Resort--is in the final design stage and looking to start building in the Bahamas. It will feature luxury suites up to 60-feet below the surface, made of clear acrylic for undersea views. So far, so good. But then it gets pretty cheesy, with plans for private artificial reefs outside each room, fish feeders so guests can start their own feeding frenzy (I wonder if they'll allow bloody chum for some really exciting fish feeding), and the possibility of submarine tours of nearby reefs. The whole thing will be accessed by an escalator, and will include a revolving restaurant with transparent walls. The cost: a cool $1500 a night. If you are intrigued you can read all about the concept and design here. Still interested? Then the FAQ can be found here, including the all-important "How safe is this sucker?" (okay, that's not exactly how they phrase it, but here's the answer: "The resort is built to rigid safety requirements with high levels of structural integrity, large safety factors and fully redundant fail-safe systems. Each room is completely isolated from the central hall and other rooms with a double pressure proof door system and independent emergency life support systems.") I guess you'll have to check your hammer at the door...
I'm sorry, but this thing has "white elephant" stamped all over it. I see algae all over the windows, dying reefs all around, enless annoying leaks, and tame, overfed fish. It will make a great setting for an undersea disaster movie, however. Hmm. "Poseidon II." A presidential visit, terrorists, marauding sea life. The thing practically writes itself...
If You Like To Watch: "Honey, forget the stupid clown fish. Just check out what that couple next door is doing..."
I'm sorry, but this thing has "white elephant" stamped all over it. I see algae all over the windows, dying reefs all around, enless annoying leaks, and tame, overfed fish. It will make a great setting for an undersea disaster movie, however. Hmm. "Poseidon II." A presidential visit, terrorists, marauding sea life. The thing practically writes itself...
If You Like To Watch: "Honey, forget the stupid clown fish. Just check out what that couple next door is doing..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 10:37 AM
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Not So Fast, Ellen...
Well, Francis Joyon may have just lost his most prized solo sailing record to L' Petit Anglais, but he's not sitting around crying in his Perrier. Instead, he's fixing his aging, 90-foot trimaran up, and heading to New York for a crack at the 10-year old transatlantic record.
"I shall be on stand-by in New York from early April, waiting for a window in the weather to set sail on an attempt at the Transatlantic crossing record from West to East. It’s a long-standing record, but is also the most difficult one to beat single-handed. It’s very enticing [TWC translation: "Thank God she didn't nab this one, too"], and this route will also perhaps allow me to tackle the 24-hour solo record," Joyon said. “Ellen MacArthur has just finished a rapid round the world voyage, and in fact, I thought she would improve on the 24-hour record. In spite of her success, that wasn’t the case [TWC translation: "See, she's not Superwoman.."], which just goes to show that it’s not going to be an easy matter.”
Here are the numbers in play:
• New York – The Lizard route (theoretical distance calculated by the WSSRC): 2925 miles (5417 km)
• Single-handed record: Laurent Bourgnon, Primagaz, 7 days 2 hours 34 minutes 42 seconds (June 1994)
• 24 hour solo record: Laurent Bourgnon, Primagaz, 540 miles (June 1994)
Ellen has targeted this record also. It would be great if she and Joyon could set off together, but it seems unlikely she could get to New York in time (plus, I suspect she needs just a wee rest). So we have the possibility of deja vu all over again. Joyon breaks a major record. Ellen follows and steals the glory. It's a cruel, cruel sport...
Jittery Joyon: "If I nail this one and she only lets me enjoy it for a few months I'm going to take up farming..."
"I shall be on stand-by in New York from early April, waiting for a window in the weather to set sail on an attempt at the Transatlantic crossing record from West to East. It’s a long-standing record, but is also the most difficult one to beat single-handed. It’s very enticing [TWC translation: "Thank God she didn't nab this one, too"], and this route will also perhaps allow me to tackle the 24-hour solo record," Joyon said. “Ellen MacArthur has just finished a rapid round the world voyage, and in fact, I thought she would improve on the 24-hour record. In spite of her success, that wasn’t the case [TWC translation: "See, she's not Superwoman.."], which just goes to show that it’s not going to be an easy matter.”
Here are the numbers in play:
• New York – The Lizard route (theoretical distance calculated by the WSSRC): 2925 miles (5417 km)
• Single-handed record: Laurent Bourgnon, Primagaz, 7 days 2 hours 34 minutes 42 seconds (June 1994)
• 24 hour solo record: Laurent Bourgnon, Primagaz, 540 miles (June 1994)
Ellen has targeted this record also. It would be great if she and Joyon could set off together, but it seems unlikely she could get to New York in time (plus, I suspect she needs just a wee rest). So we have the possibility of deja vu all over again. Joyon breaks a major record. Ellen follows and steals the glory. It's a cruel, cruel sport...
Jittery Joyon: "If I nail this one and she only lets me enjoy it for a few months I'm going to take up farming..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 10:49 AM
Wetass Video Vault...
Maybe it's the fumes, but combustion engines make people do some crazy things...
I'll do anything for a case of Labatt's...
Lance Armstrong better get out of my way...
213 feet, 6 inches. I'm channeling Evel Knievel...
"Of course I look a little wild-eyed. I just pulled off a world record jump, and then had to run from the fuzz..."
I'll do anything for a case of Labatt's...
Lance Armstrong better get out of my way...
213 feet, 6 inches. I'm channeling Evel Knievel...
"Of course I look a little wild-eyed. I just pulled off a world record jump, and then had to run from the fuzz..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 10:18 AM
Annals Of (Very) Dubious Achievement (Valentine's Edition)...
A Swedish couple--Clara Ahlstroem, 38, and Hannu Kiviaho, 41--yesterday set the Swedish record for the longest kiss. Remarkably, given Sweden's racy reputation, it took a liplock lasting a measly 1 hour and 34 minutes to take the title. That puts them in the pucker minor leagues. The world record, which has been held by two extremely amorous Americans since 1991, stands at a lip-bruising 30 hours, 59 minutes and 27 seconds. Alstroem and Kiviaho, of course, had an excuse for their pathetic showing. They claimed Clara had a nasty cold.
Okay, you might not consider this an extreme sport. But you would be wrong. Because according to Swedish pharmacy Apoteket (which sponsored the Swedes) a peck on the cheek requires the use of 12 separate facial muscles, and a French kiss employs an energy-sapping 34. Moreover, kissers burn an impressive four calories a minute. So you can log some pretty decent exercise this way. But make sure you know who your workout partner is. Apoteket, which was hoping to promote mouth hygiene with the stunt, also helpfully pointed out that over the course of a single kissing "rep" two open mouthed exercisers on average exchange 40,000 parasites, 250 different types of bacteria, along with varying amounts of salt, fat, protein and other organic substances. Thanks alot, Apoteket. Way to kill the romance of Valentine's Day...
Kissing Clara: "Oh man, flu or not my only shot at this is to keep my eyes firmly closed. Damn, what's that dribbling down my chin..."
(Photo: AFP)
Okay, you might not consider this an extreme sport. But you would be wrong. Because according to Swedish pharmacy Apoteket (which sponsored the Swedes) a peck on the cheek requires the use of 12 separate facial muscles, and a French kiss employs an energy-sapping 34. Moreover, kissers burn an impressive four calories a minute. So you can log some pretty decent exercise this way. But make sure you know who your workout partner is. Apoteket, which was hoping to promote mouth hygiene with the stunt, also helpfully pointed out that over the course of a single kissing "rep" two open mouthed exercisers on average exchange 40,000 parasites, 250 different types of bacteria, along with varying amounts of salt, fat, protein and other organic substances. Thanks alot, Apoteket. Way to kill the romance of Valentine's Day...
Kissing Clara: "Oh man, flu or not my only shot at this is to keep my eyes firmly closed. Damn, what's that dribbling down my chin..."
(Photo: AFP)
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 9:50 AM
Orange Keeps Rolling, Rolling...
Bruno Peyron's big maxi-cat is putting on quite a show. Orange II passed Cape Leeuwin (the southwestern tip of Australia) last night, and tossed a few more records into the bag. Numero Uno: Ushant to Cape Leeuwin. 21 days, 13 hours, 54 minutes (mashing Cheyenne's old record of 25 days, 14 hours, 8 minutes. Numero Dos: Equator-Cape Leeuwin. 14 days, 11 hours (crushing Geronimo's old record of 19 days, 17 hours, 27 minutes). Numero Tres: Good Hope to Leeuwin (the unofficial Indian Ocean record). 7 days, 5 hours, 35 minutes (pipping brother Loick's old record of 7 days, 14, hours, 30 minutes; navigator Roger Nilson was with Loick for that run, so he hasn't lost anything, just updated his personal best).
Check out the two new videos on the video page. Good shots of ice and hull flying, amidst discussion of routing and minor medical emergencies.
So Orange II is four days and fourteen minutes ahead of Cheyenne's absolute record, and Peyron keeps mentioning, casually of course, how they actually could be going faster but want to take it easy on the boat. In any case, they've averaged 22.8 knots since the start, which is astounding, ridiculous, and very impressive. I'm starting to think that if Orange II keeps this up and makes it to the finish, she'll throw the whole maxi-multihull world into a deep funk because all the first generation boats will be exposed as being totally overmatched and obsolete...
The Orange Revolution: "Hey, Bruno! This thing is so fast it's turning a circumnavigation into a shortish voyage. Maybe it's time to think about a new benchmark. Two laps. No stopping..."
Check out the two new videos on the video page. Good shots of ice and hull flying, amidst discussion of routing and minor medical emergencies.
So Orange II is four days and fourteen minutes ahead of Cheyenne's absolute record, and Peyron keeps mentioning, casually of course, how they actually could be going faster but want to take it easy on the boat. In any case, they've averaged 22.8 knots since the start, which is astounding, ridiculous, and very impressive. I'm starting to think that if Orange II keeps this up and makes it to the finish, she'll throw the whole maxi-multihull world into a deep funk because all the first generation boats will be exposed as being totally overmatched and obsolete...
The Orange Revolution: "Hey, Bruno! This thing is so fast it's turning a circumnavigation into a shortish voyage. Maybe it's time to think about a new benchmark. Two laps. No stopping..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 9:11 AM
Monday, February 14, 2005
Make Mine A Maximus...
Well, the latest 100 foot supermaxi speed machine has been dunked. EBS Yachting splashed it's custom-designed, canting-keel, rotating wingmast monster today. They've got a month of sea trials and then the yacht--christened "Maximus" (apparently the name "Biggus Dickus" wasn't quite subtle enough)--is off to Antigua and beyond. Here's the fun you can have if you are a multimillionaire with a massive, er, racing yacht:
April 2005: Caribbean - Antigua Race Week www.sailingweek.com
May 2005: Gulf Stream - 24hr World Record Attempt www.sailspeedrecords.com & Rolex Transatlantic Challenge www.nyyc.org
June 2005: St. Tropez, France - Giraglia Rolex Cup www.yci.it/giraglia/
July 2005: Sweden - Round Gotland Race www.gantgotlandrunt.org
Aug 2005: England - Skandia Cowes Week www.cowesweek.co.uk & Rolex Fastnet Race www.rorc.org/fastnet
Sept 2005: Costa Smeralda, Italy - Rolex Maxi Yacht World Cup www.yccs.it
Oct 2005: Malta - Rolex Middle Sea Race www.rolexmiddlesearace.com
Dec 2005: Australia - Rolex Sydney to Hobart www.rolexsydneyhobart.com
You can watch a video of the EBS story here. And a video of the move from the build shed to the water here. Maximus (I'm sorry, I just can't take this name seriously. It just cries out for the right sponsorship, like "Viagra Maximus" or "Trojan Maximus") will go up against Mari Cha in the Transatlantic Challenge, which should be an epic match race, and could line up against nine other supermaxis in next year's Sydney-Hobart (assuming everyone has their keels and masts repaired by then). Here are some shots from the launch (the full gallery is here). I think this thing is going to fly...
Monster Maxi Maximus...
April 2005: Caribbean - Antigua Race Week www.sailingweek.com
May 2005: Gulf Stream - 24hr World Record Attempt www.sailspeedrecords.com & Rolex Transatlantic Challenge www.nyyc.org
June 2005: St. Tropez, France - Giraglia Rolex Cup www.yci.it/giraglia/
July 2005: Sweden - Round Gotland Race www.gantgotlandrunt.org
Aug 2005: England - Skandia Cowes Week www.cowesweek.co.uk & Rolex Fastnet Race www.rorc.org/fastnet
Sept 2005: Costa Smeralda, Italy - Rolex Maxi Yacht World Cup www.yccs.it
Oct 2005: Malta - Rolex Middle Sea Race www.rolexmiddlesearace.com
Dec 2005: Australia - Rolex Sydney to Hobart www.rolexsydneyhobart.com
You can watch a video of the EBS story here. And a video of the move from the build shed to the water here. Maximus (I'm sorry, I just can't take this name seriously. It just cries out for the right sponsorship, like "Viagra Maximus" or "Trojan Maximus") will go up against Mari Cha in the Transatlantic Challenge, which should be an epic match race, and could line up against nine other supermaxis in next year's Sydney-Hobart (assuming everyone has their keels and masts repaired by then). Here are some shots from the launch (the full gallery is here). I think this thing is going to fly...
Monster Maxi Maximus...
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 1:15 PM
Oryx Odor-Quest: Stinking And Slinking Across The Equator...
In the big round-the-world races the passage from the northern to southern hemisphere is notorious for two reasons: first, the Doldrums often serve up maddening calms and unpredictable squalls, making the sailing very tricky, sweat intensive, and miserable; and second, anyone on board who has not been across the Equator gets abused by "King Neptune" in a ceremony that mimics the best and worst of college frat house hazing. Each crew cooks up its own ritual, but usually the initiate is accused of various crimes by one of the crew dressed as Neptune, and then punishment--in the form of foul smelling slop (the fouler the better)--is poured all over the quaking sap. Here's how it all went in the Oryx Quest on Doha 2006, as described by the ever-colorful Paul Larsen:
"We are currently making 21 knots on course. Every fast mile in these latitudes is golden. The equator approaches fast and thus so does the court of Neptune. We need a trident, a beard; a Neptune for that matter.... might just go with the slops. Hmmm I won't sign off just yet. It should all be done by the end of my watch which starts in two minutes so I might as well finish later and let you join in on the fun. Let's face it, everyone loves seeing a kiwi get hosed. Back in a mo'..... Some 4 1/2 hours later... After a sweaty and busy start to the watch where we changed headsails once again so as to keep in the groove, we got down to the more serious business. It all came about a couple of days ago where a crafty little conversation was struck up with Stan Delbarre to determine if he had crossed the equator before. Many classic tales were told prior to this of many crossings on many boats. One in particular about a typically hard ass kiwi skipper who would have none of this messing around on his serious racing boat and proceeded to have a round the world race of misery until eventually conceding. We're not all superstitious... more likely just looking for an excuse to pour a bucket of stinking rubbish over a mate. So the conversation went on as we glided through the humid night:
DAMIAN-"Been sailing down south much before Stan?"
STAN-"Oh yeah, all the way down to Cape Horn."
DAMIAN-"Cool, where did you leave from?"
STAN (still unaware of the trap)-"Alaska, it was a great trip"
DAMIAN-"Wow...did you sail all the way or get off and meet the boat (nice work, never give up)?"
STAN- "No, I did the whole trip"
Hmmmm, damn, but hang on, the guy sitting next to Stan was awful quiet. Yep, Andy Mikeljohn knew what was going on and what's more.... he'd figured that he was swimming in an ever closing circle of sharks all of whom were after blood... or cheap kicks. We were onto him. Andy didn't sleep well in his next off watch. It wasn't so much the heat and humidity of below decks as the knowledge of what was approaching at anywhere between 4 and 24 knots in the fickle nightime conditions. Maybe he was the only one onboard not rejoicing when the boat hooked into some fresh breeze and lunged forward towards the Southern Cross. Many hands participated in the creation of the slop mixture. A likely Neptune was found, a trident and a beard. The consistency of the slop was a source of debate. Andy came on decks when we still had about 15 miles to go. The morning sun was beginning to bight the exposed skin of those still kidding themselves that it wasn't. With grease gun in hand he proceeded to walk towards the mast to grease the ball upon which the mast rotates. The slop stewed. With 9 miles to go, Neptune's court was ready. Andy was still greas... hang on, where is he? "I think he's in the galley" check, nope, "I think he's in the heads" check, nope... We all looked at the dormant grease gun... The little bugger has taken off up the inside of the mast. With the aid of a big search light we found Andy about thirty feet up the inside of the mast determined not to pay Neptune his dues (At this point I can picture his mother reading this at home, saying "My god, is he still doing that? He used to run up trees all the time when he was younger. First day of school, first day of football training, first date with a girl). We couldn't shake him down and Neptune's trident didn't have the reach to jab at his clenched hands. Real kitten down the well stuff. Eventually he was encouraged down on the premise that we wouldn't tie him down to the nets and pour 5 litres of trash and crap all over him when the latitude hit '0.00'.
Fool.
So once Andy had his crimes read out to him and was given the thorough right of passage, the DOHA 2006 Bear given to us by a class of schoolchildren from Doha was also initiated. Then of course it was back to business as usual with yet another headsail change as the winds became more consistent. We didn't get any of the rain squalls that many of us were hoping for and so it was that I gave up on my theories of bodily bacterial stabilisation and breaking the back of the hygiene hump. I admitted that I did in fact stink and that it was time to act. The 'sugar scoop' at the back of these boats is a superb bathing area. Like your own little private beach if the conditions are right. A great place to go and shed the second skin that accumulates in these warm climates..."
South of the Equator, Doha 2006 and Geronimo are continuing their neck and neck drag race, with Doha 2006 edging out front by less than a mile. Leaderboard here. Make sure you check out the daily video clips here. It won't be much comfort to Andy M., but the ceremony used to be much more painful. Super-navigator Roger Nilson, sailing on Orange II right now, once told me that when he was in the Swedish navy they doused him with hot tar...
Miserable Mikeljohn: "I'm sweaty, I'm tired. And now I have flying fish guts all over me. I knew I should have taken that accounting job..."
"We are currently making 21 knots on course. Every fast mile in these latitudes is golden. The equator approaches fast and thus so does the court of Neptune. We need a trident, a beard; a Neptune for that matter.... might just go with the slops. Hmmm I won't sign off just yet. It should all be done by the end of my watch which starts in two minutes so I might as well finish later and let you join in on the fun. Let's face it, everyone loves seeing a kiwi get hosed. Back in a mo'..... Some 4 1/2 hours later... After a sweaty and busy start to the watch where we changed headsails once again so as to keep in the groove, we got down to the more serious business. It all came about a couple of days ago where a crafty little conversation was struck up with Stan Delbarre to determine if he had crossed the equator before. Many classic tales were told prior to this of many crossings on many boats. One in particular about a typically hard ass kiwi skipper who would have none of this messing around on his serious racing boat and proceeded to have a round the world race of misery until eventually conceding. We're not all superstitious... more likely just looking for an excuse to pour a bucket of stinking rubbish over a mate. So the conversation went on as we glided through the humid night:
DAMIAN-"Been sailing down south much before Stan?"
STAN-"Oh yeah, all the way down to Cape Horn."
DAMIAN-"Cool, where did you leave from?"
STAN (still unaware of the trap)-"Alaska, it was a great trip"
DAMIAN-"Wow...did you sail all the way or get off and meet the boat (nice work, never give up)?"
STAN- "No, I did the whole trip"
Hmmmm, damn, but hang on, the guy sitting next to Stan was awful quiet. Yep, Andy Mikeljohn knew what was going on and what's more.... he'd figured that he was swimming in an ever closing circle of sharks all of whom were after blood... or cheap kicks. We were onto him. Andy didn't sleep well in his next off watch. It wasn't so much the heat and humidity of below decks as the knowledge of what was approaching at anywhere between 4 and 24 knots in the fickle nightime conditions. Maybe he was the only one onboard not rejoicing when the boat hooked into some fresh breeze and lunged forward towards the Southern Cross. Many hands participated in the creation of the slop mixture. A likely Neptune was found, a trident and a beard. The consistency of the slop was a source of debate. Andy came on decks when we still had about 15 miles to go. The morning sun was beginning to bight the exposed skin of those still kidding themselves that it wasn't. With grease gun in hand he proceeded to walk towards the mast to grease the ball upon which the mast rotates. The slop stewed. With 9 miles to go, Neptune's court was ready. Andy was still greas... hang on, where is he? "I think he's in the galley" check, nope, "I think he's in the heads" check, nope... We all looked at the dormant grease gun... The little bugger has taken off up the inside of the mast. With the aid of a big search light we found Andy about thirty feet up the inside of the mast determined not to pay Neptune his dues (At this point I can picture his mother reading this at home, saying "My god, is he still doing that? He used to run up trees all the time when he was younger. First day of school, first day of football training, first date with a girl). We couldn't shake him down and Neptune's trident didn't have the reach to jab at his clenched hands. Real kitten down the well stuff. Eventually he was encouraged down on the premise that we wouldn't tie him down to the nets and pour 5 litres of trash and crap all over him when the latitude hit '0.00'.
Fool.
So once Andy had his crimes read out to him and was given the thorough right of passage, the DOHA 2006 Bear given to us by a class of schoolchildren from Doha was also initiated. Then of course it was back to business as usual with yet another headsail change as the winds became more consistent. We didn't get any of the rain squalls that many of us were hoping for and so it was that I gave up on my theories of bodily bacterial stabilisation and breaking the back of the hygiene hump. I admitted that I did in fact stink and that it was time to act. The 'sugar scoop' at the back of these boats is a superb bathing area. Like your own little private beach if the conditions are right. A great place to go and shed the second skin that accumulates in these warm climates..."
South of the Equator, Doha 2006 and Geronimo are continuing their neck and neck drag race, with Doha 2006 edging out front by less than a mile. Leaderboard here. Make sure you check out the daily video clips here. It won't be much comfort to Andy M., but the ceremony used to be much more painful. Super-navigator Roger Nilson, sailing on Orange II right now, once told me that when he was in the Swedish navy they doused him with hot tar...
Miserable Mikeljohn: "I'm sweaty, I'm tired. And now I have flying fish guts all over me. I knew I should have taken that accounting job..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 10:23 AM
It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's...L'Hydroptere!
L'Hydroptere--a trimaran than turns into a hydrofoil--has always been one of the most interesting contestants in speed sailing game. Here's how "skipper and pilot", Alain Thebault, describes this wacky machine:
"At low speed, l’Hydroptère sails like a normal trimaran. From 10 knots, she starts to lift, and like for an aircraft you have to cant up the boat by angling up the elevator on the submerged bottom of the rudder. This is controlled from the helm with a joystick. Once l’’Hydroptère has reached her cruising altitude, between 2 and 3 metres, the helmsman, who has now become a pilot, brings her onto a horizontal trim by briefly canting the nose downwards. Connected to the water solely by her two marine wings and her aft “fin”, l’Hydroptère immediately reaches high speeds. The more the speed increases, the higher l’Hydroptère lifts out of the water thanks to the V arrangement of her foils."
The issue with this baby has always been durability and the difficulties it has in rough water, but after a two year layoff for tweaking L'Hydroptere is back. Last week the boat broke the record from Dover to Calais, covering the 19 nautical miles in 34 minutes and 24 seconds. That's an average speed of just over 33 knots, which is a higher average speed than any record ever ratified by the World Sailing Speed Record Council. Top speed was an impressive 43.4 knots. The plan now is to chase after other records. Which ones, I'm not sure. But until this thing can prove itself in rough seas, the maxi-multihulls can rest easy. Check out this great photo gallery from Gilles Martin-Raget. It's a very cool machine, isn't it...
Dover-Calais Speedster: "Well, if we can't keep it together in the Atlantic at least we can run a fast cross-Channel ferry service..."
"At low speed, l’Hydroptère sails like a normal trimaran. From 10 knots, she starts to lift, and like for an aircraft you have to cant up the boat by angling up the elevator on the submerged bottom of the rudder. This is controlled from the helm with a joystick. Once l’’Hydroptère has reached her cruising altitude, between 2 and 3 metres, the helmsman, who has now become a pilot, brings her onto a horizontal trim by briefly canting the nose downwards. Connected to the water solely by her two marine wings and her aft “fin”, l’Hydroptère immediately reaches high speeds. The more the speed increases, the higher l’Hydroptère lifts out of the water thanks to the V arrangement of her foils."
The issue with this baby has always been durability and the difficulties it has in rough water, but after a two year layoff for tweaking L'Hydroptere is back. Last week the boat broke the record from Dover to Calais, covering the 19 nautical miles in 34 minutes and 24 seconds. That's an average speed of just over 33 knots, which is a higher average speed than any record ever ratified by the World Sailing Speed Record Council. Top speed was an impressive 43.4 knots. The plan now is to chase after other records. Which ones, I'm not sure. But until this thing can prove itself in rough seas, the maxi-multihulls can rest easy. Check out this great photo gallery from Gilles Martin-Raget. It's a very cool machine, isn't it...
Dover-Calais Speedster: "Well, if we can't keep it together in the Atlantic at least we can run a fast cross-Channel ferry service..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 9:40 AM
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