Friday, March 25, 2005
Have A Wetass Weekend...
Annals Of Aging: Norman Vaughan...
He spends his days in bed, needs help walking, and is a century old. But that isn't stopping Norman Vaughan, a veteran of Admiral Richard Byrd's 1928 South Pole expedition, from laying on a major birthday plan. What's his idea? This December he plans to climb Mount Vaughan, the 10,300 foot bump on Antarctica that Byrd named after him. Vaughan has already walked up the thing as an 89-year old. This time he plans to ride a sledge--dubbed the Norm Hauler--until he reaches the top. And once he gets there he'll crack open a bottle of champagne and take his first real sip of alcohol. ''I told my mother I wouldn't drink until I was 100,'' Vaughan tells the Chicago Sun Times, which has a nice profile of the teetotaling old geezer. Hope he's got some good swill. The bad stuff might just finish him off...
Admiral BRRR..D: "Harrump! I can't believe ol' Normie is still alive. Though maybe I would have survived longer if I wasn't so damn lazy about scraping snow off my head..."
Admiral BRRR..D: "Harrump! I can't believe ol' Normie is still alive. Though maybe I would have survived longer if I wasn't so damn lazy about scraping snow off my head..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 2:45 PM 
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Wetass Video Of The Week...
Here he is: The Birdman Of Verbier. Not sure how to classify what this guy is up to. Is it flying? Is it parachuting? Who knows. I can say, however, that it looks pretty damn cool. So click here to watch the man fly in Quicktime. And here to watch him in Bill Gates-vision...
"Hmm. Should I fly down a Black Diamond run, or stick to the easy stuff..."
"Hmm. Should I fly down a Black Diamond run, or stick to the easy stuff..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 11:04 AM
Annals Of Achievement: Bass Strait Laser Run...
While I was out and about and offline in early March, Laser sailor Michael Blackburn (ranked #1 in the world last year) pulled off a great Wetass stunt: he sailed his Laser across the notorious Bass Strait between Australia and Tasmania (he sailed the 115 miles in 13.5 hours). Since I missed it, I figured I would just leave it alone. But Alden Bugly (which is an anagram for Bald And Ugly), who is an Annapolis institution, has posted such a great summary of Blackburn's feat on his website, I can't resist, umm, blatantly pirating it. Bugly's website, which has tons of great sailing pictures and stories, is worth a visit alone (Wetass Tip: get on his mailing list for updates). But you can find his insightful analysis of Blackburn's Bass Strait adventure here. Plus, there are links to photographer West Ashton's complete Blackburn gallery, and even some nice Ashton vids (love that Laser hum) of Blackburn training, Blackburn reaching, and Blackburn drinking (probably not a beer). If you are impressed, and sail a Laser, perhaps you should check out Blackburn's book. What's next: the Atlantic?...
"Dum-Dee-Dum. Damn. I shouldn't have chugged all that coffee..."
"5,4,3,2,1...Blast Off!"
(Photos: West Ashton)
"Dum-Dee-Dum. Damn. I shouldn't have chugged all that coffee..."
"5,4,3,2,1...Blast Off!"
(Photos: West Ashton)
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 10:13 AM
Department Of Disbelief: Mermaid School?...
Longtime readers of TWC will know that I have come across a lot of crazy sh*t in the neverending search for interesting, funny Wetass material. And sometimes you hit the jackpot. Folks, today we have hit the jackpot. Because while surfing the web yesterday I came across a website built by a Dutch woman named "Kitty." The interesting thing about Kitty is that she used to be a, umm, man, or at least a boy. And being a boy was going reasonably well until at the age of 14, when he/now-she saw the movie Splash. Since that moment Kitty was obsessed with becoming a mermaid--not a merman, a mermaid. And thanks to the wonders of modern society, she has become--and I swear I am not making this up--the world's first transgender half-fish/half woman(?).
Should you too have merperson ambitions, Kitty and her website are there to help. There are pages on training: Part 1 deals with learning the merperson swimming style; and Part 2 covers holding your breath for a really, really long time.
Still with me? And still want to be a merperson? Then click on over to the section on how to make your own mertail. Kitty is nothing if not thorough. So she also has information on underwater wigs and makeup, for achieving that full Darryl Hannah mermaid look, and lots of mermaid links. Okay, I've got to stop now. I'm starting to lose touch with reality. And my trident needs polishing...
Confused Kitty: "I'm ready for my close-up now, Mr. DeMille..."
"I'm not strange. I'm just a guy, I mean a girl, with a dream..."
Should you too have merperson ambitions, Kitty and her website are there to help. There are pages on training: Part 1 deals with learning the merperson swimming style; and Part 2 covers holding your breath for a really, really long time.
Still with me? And still want to be a merperson? Then click on over to the section on how to make your own mertail. Kitty is nothing if not thorough. So she also has information on underwater wigs and makeup, for achieving that full Darryl Hannah mermaid look, and lots of mermaid links. Okay, I've got to stop now. I'm starting to lose touch with reality. And my trident needs polishing...
Confused Kitty: "I'm ready for my close-up now, Mr. DeMille..."
"I'm not strange. I'm just a guy, I mean a girl, with a dream..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 8:50 AM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Annals Of Arrested Development: Hans Florine...
In a world soaked in steroids, it's refreshing to know there is a guy like Hans Florine out there. Florine is a 40-year old speed climber and motivational speaker, and he just kicked ass at the U.S. National Climbing Championships, held at Mission Cliffs in San Francisco. Not sure what sort of tea the guy drinks, but he won the speed climbing division. The second place finisher was all of 18 years old. There was a nice symmetry to his victory. Florine won the first national speed climbing competition held in 1989. That's 16 years ago for all you math-challenged rock jocks.
I first took note of Florine a while back, when I came across his insane list of the 40 challenges he took on to celebrate his 40th birthday last year (so far he has knocked off 21). Things such as: carry 40 pounds on his body for 4 days (so he could relate to his wife and other pregnant women); knock off a 40 km run; lift 40,000 kgs (about 87,000 pounds) in the weight room; do 400 pull-ups in a day; drink 4 martinis (he only managed 2.5; wimp?); hold 40 yoga poses for 40 seconds each....Well, you get the picture. Florine is a nut, but a nut who has unlimited energy and lives life as if he is decades younger than he really is. Not a bad example...
First-Place Florine: "Oh man, I can't believe I let this old geezer beat me. Better keep smiling..."
I first took note of Florine a while back, when I came across his insane list of the 40 challenges he took on to celebrate his 40th birthday last year (so far he has knocked off 21). Things such as: carry 40 pounds on his body for 4 days (so he could relate to his wife and other pregnant women); knock off a 40 km run; lift 40,000 kgs (about 87,000 pounds) in the weight room; do 400 pull-ups in a day; drink 4 martinis (he only managed 2.5; wimp?); hold 40 yoga poses for 40 seconds each....Well, you get the picture. Florine is a nut, but a nut who has unlimited energy and lives life as if he is decades younger than he really is. Not a bad example...
First-Place Florine: "Oh man, I can't believe I let this old geezer beat me. Better keep smiling..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 10:02 AM
Wetass Safari Idea #46: Be The Animal...
Earlier this week I heaped scorn on traditional Jeep safaris (see here). Apparently, these two mokes felt the same way. But instead of going on a frog safari they came up with the brilliantly stupid idea of prancing around on the Savannah in a zebra suit. Click here to watch the hilarious, then, umm, exciting result ("Don't worry, that was perfectly safe."). Not sure whether this safari approach is ever going to take off...
"Damn, this zebra is particularly tasty. Lean, tender, and with just a hint of Old Spice..."
"Damn, this zebra is particularly tasty. Lean, tender, and with just a hint of Old Spice..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 9:20 AM
Monday, March 21, 2005
Introducing Dr. Sleep...
If you are a solo-racing sailor and want to learn how to push your performance to the limit on ridiculously small amounts of sleep, there is one guy you go to: Claudio Stampi. And you can check out my profile of the good doctor in the latest issue of Outside (no, it's not online yet; get off your ass and go fork out the dough for an actual copy of the mag). Not sure you want to bother? Well, let's say there is also a very, umm, interesting cover story about women who climb clothed...but prefer nudity when the camera comes out. Gripping (sorry) stuff...
Banned At Wal-Mart?: Here's what the cover looks like once you rip off the brown paper cover...
Banned At Wal-Mart?: Here's what the cover looks like once you rip off the brown paper cover...
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 4:36 PM
Wetass Science Corner...
So, here's a little trivia question. What's the largest floating object in the world? A U.S. Navy aircraft carrier? Nope. Liz Taylor snorkeling (sorry, I watched a lot of Saturday Night Live growing up)? Close, but, again, no. Shell's largest supertanker? Three strikes, you're out.
The world's largest floating object is cold, hard and made of ice. It's known as (drumroll, please) B-15A and it's the largest remaining chunk of a monstrous iceberg that broke free of the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica in 2000. The original berg--known as B15--was about the size of Jamaica (but a lot colder, with no rum drinks, sandy beaches, or swingers resorts). B-15A is smaller, but still country-sized, measuring in at more than 70 miles long, with a total area close in size to Luxembourg.
Why am I telling you this now? Well, it's a good piece if info to take into a bar. But more important, B-15A, which has been stuck aground on a seamount in McMurdo Sound, has finally broken free and is drifting toward a long pier of land-attached ice known as the Drygalski Ice Tongue (great name, eh?). It might or might not scrape past it, and the eggheads at the European Space Agency (from which I'm cribbing all this info; why can't NASA be so useful?) are on the edge of their chairs, full of fear for the poor innocent Drygalski Ice Tongue. Here's Mark Drinkwater, of ESA's Ice/Oceans Unit:
"The widest part of the iceberg would now appear to have successfully negotiated the narrow channel between the shallow seamount to its west--where it was formerly grounded--and Franklin Island to the east.
"It was now achieved a critical overlap with the end of the Drygalski ice pier, so far without touching. It would now appear that any contact--if at all--between the drifting iceberg and the land-fast floating ice tongue is likely to be a consequence of being 'brushed' or 'bumped' by the broader trailing end of the iceberg, much like the wide turns made by a long trailer behind a truck or the stern of a ship."
Folks, this is about as exciting as it gets in the bergy business. Here are some photos showing the pretty much undetectable movement of the bottle-shaped B-15A. Try not to hyperventilate...
March 15: "Ramming speed...!"
March 16: "Uhh, still ramming speed. Check back later..."
The world's largest floating object is cold, hard and made of ice. It's known as (drumroll, please) B-15A and it's the largest remaining chunk of a monstrous iceberg that broke free of the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica in 2000. The original berg--known as B15--was about the size of Jamaica (but a lot colder, with no rum drinks, sandy beaches, or swingers resorts). B-15A is smaller, but still country-sized, measuring in at more than 70 miles long, with a total area close in size to Luxembourg.
Why am I telling you this now? Well, it's a good piece if info to take into a bar. But more important, B-15A, which has been stuck aground on a seamount in McMurdo Sound, has finally broken free and is drifting toward a long pier of land-attached ice known as the Drygalski Ice Tongue (great name, eh?). It might or might not scrape past it, and the eggheads at the European Space Agency (from which I'm cribbing all this info; why can't NASA be so useful?) are on the edge of their chairs, full of fear for the poor innocent Drygalski Ice Tongue. Here's Mark Drinkwater, of ESA's Ice/Oceans Unit:
"The widest part of the iceberg would now appear to have successfully negotiated the narrow channel between the shallow seamount to its west--where it was formerly grounded--and Franklin Island to the east.
"It was now achieved a critical overlap with the end of the Drygalski ice pier, so far without touching. It would now appear that any contact--if at all--between the drifting iceberg and the land-fast floating ice tongue is likely to be a consequence of being 'brushed' or 'bumped' by the broader trailing end of the iceberg, much like the wide turns made by a long trailer behind a truck or the stern of a ship."
Folks, this is about as exciting as it gets in the bergy business. Here are some photos showing the pretty much undetectable movement of the bottle-shaped B-15A. Try not to hyperventilate...
March 15: "Ramming speed...!"
March 16: "Uhh, still ramming speed. Check back later..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 10:34 AM
Wetass Hall Of Fame: Eric Shipton...
With May fast approaching the hordes are starting their annual migration to Everest, where they will climb, litter, argue about fixed ropes, and jostle each other as they wait in line to pull themselves up the Hillary Step. Uplifting, yes? But if you need an antidote, a cool tonic, to the modern circus that is Everest, click over to Explorer's Web, and carefully skipping over the oddly dyspeptic screed about "The Rules Of Adventure, make your way to Part 1 (of 3) of their highly refreshing profile of one of the true greats: English climber Eric Shipton. Shipton was a part of all four massive British expeditions to Everest in the 1930s, and is credited with finding the route that Hillary and Tenzing would eventually climb to the top. But he is best known for his partnership with another Wetass Hall Of Famer, H.W. Tilman, a partnership that defined the essence of adventure, took Shipton to the corners of the earth, and helped pioneer the light, fast Alpine-style of climbing big mountains (which was anathema at the time). Tilman and Shipton liked to say that any expedition could be planned on the back of a cocktail napkin, and they spent a lot of time filling up cocktail napkins...
Simple Shipton: "My God! Is that a bathtub being carried to Camp 3? All I need to climb Everest is some good boots, and this pipe..."
Simple Shipton: "My God! Is that a bathtub being carried to Camp 3? All I need to climb Everest is some good boots, and this pipe..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 7:55 AM
Maud Might Make It....
After just 67 days on the Pacific, our favorite, loony French solo rower, Maud Fontenoy, is a little over 300 miles from French Polynesia. That potentially puts her just weeks away from becoming the first woman to row both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. Considering that she was prepared to be slumped over her oars for up to 150 days, I'd say she is--let's see, how do I put this?--kicking ass. But "it's not over til it's over" as they say in Toulouse, and plenty could go wrong. Like what? Well, she could capsize and flood, as she almost did just recently. Here's her typically whimsical account of that experience:
"Capsizing with an open hatch to breath = guaranteed fright.
Since yesterday evening the ocean becomes more violent, showing me that nothing is won; he's the only one to decide. The coast is not far away, the danger remains the same. I'm inside my little cage, one hand to hold me, the other ready to close the hatch in case of problem. The oxygen is missing but I know that there's nothing to do. I try to empty ma head, so that hours pass faster. A migraine keeps me awake in spite of the tiredness.
Suddenly, a terrific roar can be heard. A huge breaker gobbles OCÉOR and myself. I band all my muscles, jump to the hatch but the water already came in. I cling on the locks; a real fright comes over me, my head hurting the bubble, my stomach coming up, my breath cut, my weight used to keep the balance. OCÉOR rolls like crushed by the wave. I tremble with all my body, and everything stops.
We just capsized.
My heart beats in my chest. Don't panic, stay calm. I take a deep breath, force myself to swallow, my rib hurts, aand a small voice in my ear tells me to look at my red nose, still fixed there.
Come on Maud, a smile !
One solution: resolve the problems one after one, like a robot. I count:
1 : a bucket to empty
2 : take the wet clothing out
3 : my sat ohone was in the water, it doesn't work anymore A strange silence appeared around me.
Two hours later: sitting on my berth full of salt water, wet, exhausted, I take care of my phone, cotton bud after cotton bud-concentrated--I connect it to the battery: it doesn't display anything anymore. Exhausted, I push the button: bip, bip, an agreable heat streams in me. Miracle !
I can see there a sign of the Big Universe. I try to call on land, it rings shyly. Chris picks up, and I don't know why, some tears roll over my face.
Ah these girls !!
Bisous toujours,
Maud"
Here are some words to describe this woman: plucky, indomitable, blistered, wet...
The Trials Of Maud: "Merde! You'd think the US Navy would have something better to do than search my little boat for drugs. At least they're not demanding a strip search..."
"Capsizing with an open hatch to breath = guaranteed fright.
Since yesterday evening the ocean becomes more violent, showing me that nothing is won; he's the only one to decide. The coast is not far away, the danger remains the same. I'm inside my little cage, one hand to hold me, the other ready to close the hatch in case of problem. The oxygen is missing but I know that there's nothing to do. I try to empty ma head, so that hours pass faster. A migraine keeps me awake in spite of the tiredness.
Suddenly, a terrific roar can be heard. A huge breaker gobbles OCÉOR and myself. I band all my muscles, jump to the hatch but the water already came in. I cling on the locks; a real fright comes over me, my head hurting the bubble, my stomach coming up, my breath cut, my weight used to keep the balance. OCÉOR rolls like crushed by the wave. I tremble with all my body, and everything stops.
We just capsized.
My heart beats in my chest. Don't panic, stay calm. I take a deep breath, force myself to swallow, my rib hurts, aand a small voice in my ear tells me to look at my red nose, still fixed there.
Come on Maud, a smile !
One solution: resolve the problems one after one, like a robot. I count:
1 : a bucket to empty
2 : take the wet clothing out
3 : my sat ohone was in the water, it doesn't work anymore A strange silence appeared around me.
Two hours later: sitting on my berth full of salt water, wet, exhausted, I take care of my phone, cotton bud after cotton bud-concentrated--I connect it to the battery: it doesn't display anything anymore. Exhausted, I push the button: bip, bip, an agreable heat streams in me. Miracle !
I can see there a sign of the Big Universe. I try to call on land, it rings shyly. Chris picks up, and I don't know why, some tears roll over my face.
Ah these girls !!
Bisous toujours,
Maud"
Here are some words to describe this woman: plucky, indomitable, blistered, wet...
The Trials Of Maud: "Merde! You'd think the US Navy would have something better to do than search my little boat for drugs. At least they're not demanding a strip search..."
Posted by Tim Zimmermann @ 7:12 AM
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